EXTRA bullshit!

I should have known better! I should have known all this is gonna happen before it does!

 

I took a risk when we had an argument me and my colleague to assign all the blames in the argument on myself instead of doing what most of the normal people would have done.

I did that only because I thought I should have took care from the beginning to not getting hurt, do not put yourself in a position where the other person could take the advantage of hurting you without them even knowing that they do that and specially if they are used to doing that.

What happened simply is that one called me for an advice so I got too excited but when I went he wanted to take charge of making the decision without me even talk , so yeah of course I got disappointed , and instead of blaming him for calling me for nothing since he has already have his plans from the beginning, I blamed myself for getting excited when he called. And I expressed that blame for myself publicly, And what happened,  I didn’t expect! All people started blaming me as well ignoring his part of what happened!!ignoring that fact that everyone should look at what he did instead of blaming others, I tried to mention what he did in an indirect way to make him notice what he did so he can think of what he did instead of keep blaming me as I let him to, but another friend got into the way and sabotaged the whole thing .

 

And that even more annoying, because I personally pay too much effort in trying to make people comfortable taking credit from my ego, I everyday try to make the stupidest jokes just because I know that he might listen to that and I try to gossip and talk bullshit just because this is the only way for me to have a conversation with him, I can talk with him with the original thought I have , either the psychological thought or the philosophical or religious or political conversation, he think in so much different way he doesn’t have any information what so ever to make him have thoughts like this so the only way to have a conversation with him to make him comfortable is to talk bullshit and this is making me feel like shit!! Like why I even care to make him comfortable and do thing I never did just to make him comfortable why do I have to tell him please for god sake smile every single day!!why can’t I just be myself , is it because I know that being myself will hurt him because he will be intimidated of how I think I am smarter than he is?! But should I care? Should I consider it being not a good leader because I couldn’t handle this only one guy ?

 

Anyway after that first argument I recognized what I should have been recognizing from the beginning that it will go into this particular direction! And I tried to have a work conversation to ease things up and then I suggested to watch a movie together but they refused, so what now?

  1. First of all I will cut of the bullshit conversation, and I know that means that we will NEVER have a conversation.
  2. I will not tell him to smile or not, he can go fuck himself I don’t care, not because I don’t like him, it just because I don’t care.
  3. I will do the things I like in my limited zone, so no one else could give me a comment about what I like and what I don’t
  4. I will not care of what this all might lead him to say about me, he can say whatever he wants I know what I am and that what is important to me
  5. I will be as honest as possible and with myself first
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~ by Abdurhman Issa on February 13, 2014.

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