I shouldn’t give a damn anymore!!

I want to be creative, unique, to get compliments, I can’t stand to be criticized -I love it sometimes thou cuz it means ppl pay me attention- I think that’s why I’m being nice all the time with strangers, thou I know my self I’m not nice I’m hate most of the situations but i only imagine the violent scene in my head I always do that, specially the ppl who eat opening their mouths I always punch them in the face in my “wish thought” not like the cartoon punch, no, like a real punch with all the broken nose, blood!! but without fighting back-cuz it’s not cool- like he has no control but take the punch from my , SEE, I’m not nice I’m just acting to stay away from troubles and I know myself I’m not a conversational person I can’t argue a lot, not cuz I miss sense, no, just because I don’t follow the logical sequence of getting the point clear to the end I make a shortcut, I only say the end !!..and as a result the person I’m talking to can’t see my point and thinks I just arguing him for arguing and the conversation ends with I’m the wrong and inconvincible person, and of course I don’t like that!! Well, How can I ? Anyway…. I just want to detached from ppl opinions’ they just keep me stuck at the same spot, sometimes even hide!! I can’t write, speak, dance, wear, smile, eat, drink, walk,… normally because I give a damn about ppl, I just wanna be me _u know . But, why does ppl opinion hurt me!? And why does it hurt more if I couldn’t hurt them back!? And why I didn’t even try to hurt anybody back on purpose!? Am I afraid!! yeah maybe! Or because it is wrong!! Naah I think it’s because I’m afraid of the reaction but I hide it with the “It’s wrong” thing , so I was thinking, what can I do to detach myself from ppl opinions?! I think I need to hurt someone on purpose, a stranger for a start and I’ll see!!!



~ by Abdurhman Issa on March 31, 2011.

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